


6 Times Tony Stark Was Without His Armor

by nowalee



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Anxiety, BAMF Tony Stark, Don't copy to another site, Friends to Lovers, Get Together, Happy Ending, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Humor, Hurt Tony Stark, Insecure Tony Stark, Light Angst, M/M, Oblivious Tony Stark, POV Tony, Panic Attacks, Pining, Pining Steve Rogers, Post-Avengers (2012), Tony Feels, Worried Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 19:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18452903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowalee/pseuds/nowalee
Summary: 5 times Tony Stark was without his armor and couldn't help with the fight (at least not without Steve yelling at him).And the one time he could.





	6 Times Tony Stark Was Without His Armor

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I ever finished, so it's the first one I'm posting.
> 
> It's been done for a long while now but I'm finally posting it (mostly because I can't deal with all the Endgame angst, so I'm going back to 2012 domestic Avengers era).
> 
> English is not my first language, so if you see any mistakes feel free to tell me.
> 
> All comments are welcome and since I'm finally getting the courage to actually post something I'd be more than happy to hear what you guys think about it.
> 
> Thanks for reading and enjoy. :)

1.

It was a stealth mission. The Avengers needed delicate intel so Fury sent his two best stealth agents, Romanoff and Barton, to gather the info. But because they were a team now and _'shouldn't go on missions alone when they have their team to back them up_ ' as Cap so eloquently put it, they all found themselves situated at various places at the gala, where the intel exchange was supposed to happen. Tony and Steve, being the two most recognizable and thus obvious members of the team had to stay and patrol just outside, hidden in the shadows. Bruce waited in the van, nobody wanting to risk his stress level rising if the mission went awry (in a room full of people no less). Thor was with him, as he was the one with zero stealth capability (he would just break into the gala and demand that the intel be given to him).

So Natasha and Clint were inside, doing their magic, more secure than on any other SHIELD missions before, knowing that their team was having their backs.

Didn't mean the situation didn't go downhill (and it did, much sooner than even Tony had predicted).

Everything ended up being a trap, bad guys storming the place (and Tony couldn't even tell you who they were, they were so unimpressive) and the team had to resort to a physical fight (despite Fury's insistence that this had to go down smoothly instead. But it's not like it was their fault!). And Tony having brought no suit (again at the insistence of Fury, ‘ _stealth, no fighting_ ’) he was unceremoniously shoved aside by Steve demanding to ‘ _stay out of range_ ' and really, Tony was pissed.

Pissed at Fury for making him leave his armor behind, pissed at Steve for not letting him fight despite that.

He could fight without a suit.

And he was gonna prove it dammit!

10 minutes later he was awoken from unconsciousness by a very pissed off Captain America, after being knocked out by a single blow to the head.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Yep, definitely mad. He was also wearing that disapproving expression only Captain America could. It somehow looked worried as well, but Tony blamed that on the head injury. “You could've compromised the entire mission, I told you to stay away!”

“I could've helped!” Tony insisted.

“How? By knocking yourself unconscious?” Steve yelled. Tony would have felt sorry for the bastard at the receiving end of that disapproving glare, had that poor bastard not been he himself.

“I...” Tony started to say but Cap wasn't done.

“No, Tony. I don't want to hear any excuses. I had to leave my post to come here to protect you because you were in the middle of the battlefield, _unconscious_ , and somebody could have hurt you. Or worse.” Steve was breathing hard, and even from his position kneeling next to Tony on the floor, his whole presence felt like it could melt gold just by looking at it.

Tony felt a little bit guilty. Cap did have to change his so called 'battle plan' to come and protect Tony from being molested by the bad guys. And he was grateful, he really was. Sadly, in the true Tony Stark fashion, gratitude was not what came out of his mouth. “You didn't need to save me, I'm not some damsel in distress,” he hissed and knew he wasn't helping his case when Steve seemed to become even angrier.

Luckily, Bruce came to his rescue, telling Steve he should check on Tony to see if he had any injuries (Tony would have protested, because he was _fine,_ but he was willing to go along with it just to avoid more of the Cap's rant).

He was given a clean bill of health (well, Bruce recommended rest because of his slight head injury but it wasn't like Tony was going to listen to him) and by the time they all got back to the Tower, Tony was ready to forget the accident had ever happened.

Besides Steve's slightly concerned looks for a few days following the incident, he managed to do just that.

 

2.

It was one of those ‘lazy’ fights. Hydra was becoming more and more uncreative, it seemed. They were fighting against one of Hydra’s robots. Although, robots was a loose term. They didn't really do much except create a lot of property damage.

One blast from Iron Man's new, improved repulsors and they were dust.

Tony suspected the fight wouldn't take longer than a couple of minutes. Waste of his precious time really.

But the stupid robots kept coming and coming, as if Hydra mass-produced them and was trying to get rid of them by having the Avengers destroy them. Tony was not pleased. He had schematics for new SI tech to look over for Pepper. Also, a few designs for non-lethal weapons he wanted to try out for his suit.

The robots were not getting the memo, though.

Still, the Avengers had everything under control. Cap was even shouting orders less frequently than usual, given that the fight was going so smoothly.

Until...

“Iron Man, the robots are moving south toward civilians,” came Steve's stern Captain America voice through the coms and Tony knew immediately what he had to do.

“Copy. Also, don't call them robots, they're undeserving of the title. Honestly, I did better robots in college while drunk,” Tony replied.

“Well if you think of something else to call them...” his sentence was left unfinished as the sound of more fighting came through.

“How about Hydrabots?” Clint chimed in, completely unnecessary.

“No!” Tony and Steve yelled in unison which made Tony smile a little behind his helmet (where nobody could see it but JARVIS, and his programming forbade him from saying anything.)

“Why not?” Clint whined.

“Because it's cheesy,” said Tony while shooting repulsors at ‘robots’ who came a little too close to the civilians hiding behind the perimeter the police set up.

“This is really not the time,” said Cap, spoiling the fun again and Tony really missed the time when he was annoyed at that and not fondly exasperated. _Fondly?_ What was happening to him?

It was just after that that everything went to hell.

First, some stupid robot (‘ _robot_ ’) threw a car (a freaking car) at a spot where at least a dozen civilians were huddled together and Tony had only a couple of seconds to lift the car before it killed everyone below (and he did it, because he was Tony Stark, _thanks_ ). The weight of the car unbalanced him since he took it in a haste and didn't have time to calculate the best way to do it. While he righted and looked for a spot to dispose of the car his sensors picked up on something.

An EPM arrow. Tony had installed special sensors to pick up on anything that could damage or shut down his suit, so that he would always be able to block it. This time however Tony was carrying a freaking car and was just able to throw it as far away from civilians as possible but had no time to block the arrow so it hit him straight in the chest (well, close. Tony did managed to shift in a way so it wouldn't be a direct hit to the arc reactor).

Still, Tony's armor immediately crashed down and Tony watched helplessly as his HUD and JARVIS went all black as he tumbled to the ground (luckily he wasn’t that far up).

Seriously, where the hell did the robots find an EMP arrow? Did they stole it from Hawkeye? (Tony hoped not, because that would be the arrows he designed and those could do some serious damage.)

He was dizzy. The impact caused ringing in his head but he vaguely heard Cap yelling something. Was he talking to him?

“Jeez, Cap, tone it down, will you?” said Tony because he was starting to have some serious headache and this was one of the few times Steve's voice wasn't helping.

“Tony! Are you alright?” that's weird. Steve never used their names in a fight even though everyone already knew their identities. Something about professionalism? There was also something distinctly _Steve_ in his tone. None of the Captain America sternness he adopted when in the suit.

“Fine,” Tony said, because there was no time to overanalyze every tremor in Steve's voice. There was a pack of stupidbots (that was what Tony was calling them, deal with it) coming toward him and his suit was still down.

He rebooted it manually but the arrow caused some serious damage and it would take a while to reboot. Meanwhile the stupidbots (okay so maybe the name was not the best but Tony didn't really have the time to think of a new one) were closing in on him. At least the civilians ran away. Small mercies and all that.

Tony was just about to manually release the armor and make a run for it when Steve was suddenly there, tearing the stupidbots apart like cotton candy and looking like an avenging angel doing it (a feature only Steve could achieve, Tony was sure of it).

Tony started to release the armor but Steve, as if sensing what Tony was about to do, turned around. “Leave the armor on.”

“But it's useless until it reboots,” Tony protested. He managed to drag himself over to a fallen police car and slump against it in a sitting position.

“Then wait for it to reboot,” Cap said, not even pausing in his fighting.

“I'm not going to sit here and do nothing while you guys are fighting,” Tony insisted.

“Tony!” the next kick to the robots' head was particularly violent and Tony tried not to think he was the cause of that frustration. “For the love of God, just once do as you're told, and _stay where you are_.”

Tony still might've tried to argue but judging by the tense lines of Steve's back as he fought, he didn't think it would've ended well for him.

So Tony stayed in the suit. Grudgingly.

By the time the armor rebooted the fight was over. _Of course it was_.

Tony saw Steve coming toward him, to check on him or other such nonsense (nonsense considering Tony missed almost half of the fight) but he couldn't deal with that right now. He was pissed at Steve. Tony knew rationally that he couldn't have fought the stupidbots without his armor. But that didn't mean he was useless. He could've checked on the civilians, made sure everyone was safe. Maybe help the police hold the perimeter. Show them how to use a gun against the stupidbots (because even if it might not have killed them, the bullets would have at least damaged the robots so that it would be easier for the Avengers to then finish them off) or something. Anything really.

So Tony, not even glancing at Steve's direction, took off toward SHIELD HQ by himself.

By the time they all found themselves at a debriefing, Tony was still in a bad mood (and wasn't that an understatement). Steve wasn't helping his case by glancing over at Tony every now and then, wearing that worried expression (and Tony learned to differentiate between his worried and his disapproving face. It was a slight difference when it came to Tony, but it was there).

Nick Fury was going on and on about their techniques and what worked and what needed improvements. It wall all rather dull, and Tony barely heard half of it.

“Maybe if Tony hadn't decided to take a nap in the middle of the fight, that would have gone smoother,” said Clint. He was joking, Tony knew that, but it still made something ugly crawl at the pit of his stomach.

“Maybe if Cap had actually let me fight, I would've been able to help,” replayed Tony. He knew he sounded bitter and any other time it would have made him wince that it was directed at Steve but he couldn't help himself.

“Tony, your suit was down. You would have only been a liability on the field,” Cap tried to reason with him but it only made it worse.

Tony laughed and judging by the way Steve flinched, it sounded as bitter to him as it did to Tony's own ears. “Good to know I'm only valuable to you in a suit.” He stood up and went to leave but Steve intercepted him. “Get out of my way, Rogers.”

Steve tensed at the use of his last name but stood his ground. “You know I didn't mean it that way Tony.”

“Do I?” asked Tony softly.

Something painful crossed Steve's face but it was gone in a second, so Tony refused to acknowledge it. “You should. There was just nothing you could have done in that particular fight and you know it. I was trying to protect you.”

 _Another wrong thing to say_ , thought Tony. “I don't need you to protect me! So maybe I couldn't have fought stupidbots hand to hand but there were other ways in which I could have helped. With the civilians or the police, hell, even the SHIELD agents that were around the place. Benching me was a stupid idea, you're just too blind to see it for _whatever reason_.” Tony was breathing hard by the end of that little rant but at least it seemed to deflate all of his anger. He was just tired now.

There was a tense silence in the room, you could hear a pin drop.

“So... in what universe is stupidbots better than Hydrabots?” asked Clint. It was a stupid way to break the silence but it still made Tony laugh.

“Because I say so,” Tony said softly before stepping around Steve to leave the room.

Before he managed to get out of the room though, Steve grabbed his forearm, halting him mid step. “You know the reason,” he said softly, and Tony knew he was the only one meant to hear the words.

Before he could even think about the response, Steve let him go and Tony dashed out of the room.

It was only later, alone in his lab, that Tony remembered what Steve was responding to and what that response might've meant.

 

3.

After the last incident, Tony was careful never to leave his armor behind. He could even call it to himself from distance and he added all kinds of new gadgets and weapons (a lot of them non-lethal for when they didn't fight homicidal robots).

So you can imagine his annoyance when Fury (once again) insisted that Tony couldn’t bring the armor for the next mission.

“No way! Remember what happened the last time I didn't have my suit?” Tony asked, pacing up and down in a SHIELD conference room.

“You got knocked on the head?” Clint asked. Tony just sent him a glare.

“This is different,” said Fury. “We need you to negotiate a deal and not start World War Three.” That sounded reasonable right? Well, not if you're Tony Stark.

“But you never know what's going to happen while we're there,” he insisted

“Tony's right,” said Steve. “He needs to be protected from possible attacks.” Tony tried not to show his surprise at Steve agreeing with him. The tension between them since the fight with the stupidbots (yes, Tony was still calling them that, _fuck you Clint_ ) could still be felt whenever they were in a room together so most of the other Avengers have taken to avoiding them (except for Natasha, but nothing fazed _her_ ). Steve tried to initiate civil conversations a few times but it was strained and Tony could admit that that was probably his fault. Bruce told him he should get over it and just talk to the guy, but Tony couldn't. It hurt him that Steve didn't trust him outside the suit and his comment hit a little too close to home (it also reminded Tony of that other sentence uttered all that time ago. ‘ _Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?_ ').

So Tony was still holding his grudge and if Steve thought he was going to get in his good graces by siding with Tony now, he was dead wrong.

Not that Fury cared.

“That's why we have you Captain. You and Romanoff will go with Stark.”

“What?! Why can't I go?” Clint exclaimed.

Tony almost asked why couldn't Clint go _instead_ of Cap but he wasn't that desperate (close, but not quite).

“We need to be subtle, Barton. That rules out you, Thor and Banner. So Rogers and Romanoff, as the two most professional members of the team, will go. And you will not complain.” Fury glared, as if daring them to disagree.

Tony sat down at the head of the table where everyone else was already seated (and if that put him furthest from both Fury and Steve that was just an added bonus... okay maybe that was the only bonus). “Okay. But that doesn't explain why I can't bring my suit?” said Tony, bringing the conversation to its original topic.

“Because Stark, you are going into foreign territory to negotiate peace and bringing your high-tech weapon of mass destruction may not send the message we're trying to convey,” said Fury in his nicest voice. It wasn't really all that nice. “Besides, as I said, you will have Rogers and Romanoff at your side at all times.”

“I don't need them to protect me,” snapped Tony.

“Nobody said anything about protection Stark. They're going to babysit you and make sure everything goes according to plan.”

Tony opened his mouth to protest (babysit, _really?_ ) but Fury didn't even let him start speaking before cutting him off.

“Let me put this in a way that you understand Stark. Either you agree to my terms or you don't go at all,” Fury said in his best I'm-completely-serious-and-you-have-to-listen-to-me voice. Tony wasn't buying it (okay, maybe a little bit... Fury was scary).

“You wouldn't do that. I'm your best negotiator as well as fluent in Japanese.”

“Yes, well you're not the only one who speaks it and you're definitely not the only one who knows how to negotiate,” Fury was looking at him like he was daring him to disagree.

“Perhaps,” Tony admitted. “But I am the best.” Tony had, after all, been making business deals since he came of age and took over SI. Even before, Howard had dragged him all the time to all kinds of meetings in the hopes of preparing him for taking over the company. But Fury already knew that. That's why he choose him for this assignment. “You know I'm the one most likely to get you that deal.”

“Sure you are,” agreed Fury and Tony was instantly on alert. Fury wouldn't just agree with him unless... “You're also the most likely one to screw it up. By bringing a weaponized suit of armor for example.”

Tony signed. He really should have seen that coming. “I can make it weaponless?” he asked in a one last attempt to get his way.

Fury looked like he already knew he won, the bastard. “You think the Japanese haven't seen what your suit can do? Be real Stark. If you're such a good negotiator, you would have seen that this is a Bad Idea.” And that was totally capitalized, nobody could convince Tony otherwise.

“Fine,” Tony said with all the calm he could muster then stood up and left the room before anyone could stop him.

***

Two weeks later found Tony in Japan without his suit but accompanied by his two superhero teammates.

Despite countless possibilities in which their visit could have gone wrong (most of which were sure to be Tony's fault, at least according to everyone who wasn't Tony) things went uncharacteristically smoothly.

At least until the actual meeting.

The thing was... nobody was supposed to know about their arrival. It was top secret and everyone involved in welcoming them worked for the Japanese government and were thereby sworn to secrecy.

 They were in Tokyo for two days until the actual meeting. They got special quarters and were shown around the facility but were not advised (it's not like they could keep them by force) to go outside.

Apparently, some of the more dangerous Japanese terrorist groups were strongly against any deals being made with SHIELD which prompted the Japanese government to take extra measures in securing their guests’ safety (Tony should have told them in advance not to bother, wherever they go, trouble somehow always found them regardless).

So there they were, in the middle of the meeting, Tony explaining all the ways in which both sides could benefit from forming an alliance (both in military, weaponry and financial aspects) when the first hit came.

It was a gas bomb, small but unmistakable and everyone was surprised for just long enough for it to activate without them reacting.

Steve was next to Tony in a second (and any other time Tony would marvel at the speed in which Steve crossed the room to get to him) giving him his jacket to breathe through.

The windows shattered as armed terrorists spilled through the room, wearing masks ( _protecting them from the gas but also probably to look extra evil_ , Tony thought).

Tony wasn't aware of much, gas clouding his vision, ears buzzing from all the shouting and screaming but his attention was pulled away from the scene when Steve shook his shoulders. “Stay here,” the voice was firm and Steve's face (the only thing in focus, as everything in the background blurred) was tense but clearly conveying the same message. He seemed to hesitate, and Tony could imagine what else he wanted to say. Something along the lines of ‘ _I know you're still mad at me for not allowing you to fight, but I'm not allowing you to fight again_ ' which would make Tony even more pissed off. Steve must have read it in his face because he just squeezed his shoulder in warning and left Tony hiding behind the conference table while he went out there to fight.

And Tony was done, done hiding, done being afraid, done being treated as helpless without his armor.

Later, he would look back and realize how stupid he had been. The gas was clearly affecting him, as was affecting everyone else besides Steve (who apparently had an immunity to it, but that was hardly surprising) but Tony didn't care at that moment. If Natasha (who wrapped her scarf around her mouth but her movements were still much less graceful then usual) could fight, so could he (which was stupid, because she was one of the best fighters in the world and he could barely win in a fistfight with Happy).

But Tony, as clouded as his mind was, didn't think about any of that. What he was thinking about was the need to prove himself, to show Steve that he was not useless without the suit, to erase all the times his dad told him he was not good enough, that he _wasn't a hero like Captain America_ (and thank you, Howard, for still influencing his decisions, twenty years after his death).

Still, impulsive decision or not, Tony was still not an idiot (in fact, some would even say the opposite) so instead of jumping in the fight he knew he couldn't win (as was evidenced last time when he was knocked on the head) he decided he needed a different tactic. Before his brain started working on multiple ways in which he could create little explosions (none of which seemed possible with no resources at hand), Tony spotted a guard, passed out from the gas, but clearly armed.

So Tony, as reckless as he was, crawled to the guy, avoiding all the shots and fighting around him and hoping Natasha and Steve were holding their own. Once he got a hold of the man's weapon Tony hesitated. The gun was standard issue, nothing special but that wasn't the problem. Tony knew how to use a gun, as well as any other weapon (he was manufacturing and creating them for a better part of his life, of course he knew how to use them) but there was a difference between shooting at a target in his lab and shooting at real people. Sure, he did it all the time with the suit, but his targeting system always made sure there were no lethal injuries and most of his weapons nowadays were non-lethal anyway (except for when he was fighting robots and the like, but those weren't _human_ ). It was different holding the gun and aiming it at someone, shooting without knowing 100% that you're not going to hit something critical and life-threatening (and Tony really didn’t want to have any more red in his ledger, considering how many people had already died from his weapons before he shut down the weapons department at SI).

But his team (well, two of them) needed him and he couldn't let them down. He couldn't let Steve (dad? Himself?) down. It all came back to the same insecurities, same issues.

Tony raised the gun. He had a slight advantage, being in a corner, mostly hidden from view, but the gas was clearing from the room and once the visibility was back, there wouldn't be a lot of places to hide. Tony aimed the gun at one of the gunman, then lowered it slightly and fired. Despite the bad view he was still able to see the guy go down, clutching at his injured leg.

Tony breathed deeply. Since the gas was disappearing he let go of Steve’s jacket and took the gun in both hands. He fired a couple of more shots, all well below the waist because the risk of hitting something critical in the legs was almost non-existent.

He had to move from his position, but he made sure to stay near the walls. He wasn't sure how much time had passed and he wasn't sure how much shots he fired but soon the room cleared and he saw that besides Steve and Natasha (and a pair of guards who also managed to cover their mouths on time) they were joined by a back-up and were on a great path in securing all the terrorists.

But not everything was done yet, as the ones not yet subdued put up quite a fight, not willing to go down that easily.

Steve just knocked down another one when he made eye contact with Tony. His eyes widened at seeing Tony standing there and not hiding as he was supposed to. His eyes narrowed when he noticed the gun Tony was holding and Tony had a flash of apprehension for the backlash he'll receive for disobeying orders again.

Steve was still looking at him, as if thinking what to do with him now (and how to get him away from the fight probably) when his eyes widened again in panic and he screamed “Watch out!” as Tony felt the cold end of a gun being pressed against his temple. Tony's breath caught and he was still looking at Steve's panicked eyes. The guy holding him at gunpoint was screaming something to the agents or officers or whoever the guys who their back-up were, but Tony couldn't really process the words. He probably couldn't have processed them even if they were in English.

Tony exhaled. Relaxed. Calmed down. It wouldn't do him any good to panic now. Steve looked more and more worried by the second and Tony tried to reassure him with his eyes. It didn't seem to be working.

The agents were nodding, trying to calm the guy, telling him to relax, he's going to _get what he wants if he just moves away from Tony Stark_ (and Tony knew they couldn't give him anything, even at the risk of one of their most important foreign visitors dying. He knew it would cost them much, not just their almost formed deal with SHIELD but all the relations they have with America in general and they couldn't afford to lose that. They were still helpless, Tony knew, so he felt bad even though he was the one with a gun pressed to his head).

Tony noticed Steve yelling at the agents, asking them what the guy's demands were, and to _give it to him dammit_ , but he didn't speak Japanese so his efforts were fruitless, but he looked so desperate and Tony had to do something.

So without thinking, without all his usual planning and calculating, he slammed his elbow to what he hoped was the guy's stomach and when the pressure on his head disappeared Tony turned and fired from the gun he was still holding (huh? He didn't even realize he still had it). The aim was at the guy's shoulder and it would have been a perfect shot but for the one small fact of Tony not having any ammo left.

When the guy realized Tony didn’t have any more bullets he raised his own gun quickly and two things happened at once. The gun fired and a red, blue and white shield collided with it, knocking it off course.

The guy clutched his hand (and Tony distantly noticed it bleeding more than it should, but that was what vibranium would do to you after all) and Tony looked down at his burning arm. Steve managed to divert the gun but the bullet still grazed Tony's bicep and Tony winced. He covered the injury with his hand but wasn't too bothered by it (after all, he experienced pain much worse than that and besides, he almost died so grazed arm was nothing).

Steve was suddenly next to him, eyes looking all over him, looking for injuries. When he noticed Tony clutching his bicep, he pried the fingers off to inspect the injury and upon seeing it was just a graze he relaxed and it was only then that Tony noticed how tense he had been. Tony felt bad for making him worry and knew that as soon as Steve stops worrying, stops looking over him again and again, as if having to convince himself Tony was really okay, checking the injury, as if afraid it will turn out to be worse if he just averts his eyes off of it for just a second, that when he finally realizes Tony is here and not dead on the floor, he is going to be _so_ pissed.

Yeah, Tony didn't particularly looked forward to that.

The agents (or whatever they really were, but Tony was fond of thinking of them as Japanese SHIELD) were dragging the terrorist away and soon paramedics were there and then Tony was led from the room, Steve at his heels, to the lobby where they checked his injury. They gave him a couple of stitches and some painkillers and then he was good to go.

He saw Natasha standing at the end of the hallway, being checked on as well (as were everyone else affected by the gas even when it was established the effects would wear of slowly) and Tony knew she hated it, would always nurse her injuries by herself (or in some rare cases, have Bruce do it) but he also knew she couldn't just run away, here in this foreign country, with people who would probably take it the wrong way. Still, she seemed fine, and even gave him a slight smile which was highly unusual for her but he realized that she was probably worried for him as well. Scared that he was going to die. It was nice to know she cared.

When she noticed Steve all but dragging him back to the side of the building their rooms were in, she gave him another smile, this one more sympathetic, as if she knew the chewing out Tony will be submitted to. He shrugged in her direction in a what-can-you-do manner (as if overbearing super-soldiers were a regular appearance in his life... which, okay, maybe it was). Steve himself refused to get checked out and unlike Natasha, he could get away with it given that he was a super-soldier and was perfectly fine (which Tony of course had to translate to the nice but annoyingly hovering Japanese doctors).

Once they were back at their quarters, Steve followed him to his room, and Tony's hopes that he won't be that mad about Tony's burst of heroism were squished to dust once he saw the look on his face.

Steve was livid, and Tony didn't even try to make a joke about him following him to his bedroom (bad time for inappropriate jokes, really Tony). The man paced a little and Tony sat down on the edge of his bed waiting for the inevitable pep-talk (but he had a feeling it was going to be so much worse. He wasn't wrong).

“What the hell were you thinking?” Steve asked and just as Tony opened his mouth to answer, started again. “No, don't answer that, clearly you weren't thinking.”

And Tony resented that, he had been thinking, hence taking the gun and all that instead of rushing to the battle bare-handed and with no plan at all, but he assumed Steve would not be pleased either way so Tony kept his mouth shut (and wasn't that a miracle?).

“I just don't understand why it is so difficult for you to follow orders. Is it some inherited trait for the Stark family, to just disregard any kind of authority?” Steve went on, still pacing in front of Tony, his body showing signs of tiredness (and maybe the gas affected him after all, just a little bit, because Steve very rarely looked tired).

“I don't get why you’re so upset,” Tony said. “Everything ended up fine.”

“You almost died Tony,” Steve shook his head as if not believing he had to spell this out to him. “You almost died and now you want to act as if nothing happened? As if everything went perfectly according to plan?“ he sounded broken somehow, tension in his shoulders visible, and Tony could only imagine how much Steve probably wanted to shake his shoulders and maybe even lock him in his room for the rest of his life. Because Steve was a team mum apparently.

“But I didn't die,” Tony said. “You saved me.” He said it softly, almost a whisper but not quite, as if afraid of Steve's reaction but not enough not to say it.

“This time. What if next time I won't be there? What if I won't make it in time?” Steve turned to face the wall opposite him so Tony couldn't see his expression.

Tony eyed the shield at his back. The shield Howard made for Steve, the shield that saved his life. Tony had been mad that Steve got to bring it with him on a mission when he couldn't bring his suit but he had never been more grateful he wasn't listened to (Fury told him it didn't count because the shield wasn't a weapon, which was bullshit because if Steve used it in any way, it was as a weapon. _The Japanese don't know that_ , Fury had said and Tony had rolled his eyes).

“It doesn't matter,” Tony said sharply and Steve turned back to look at him. “It doesn't matter if you make it on time or not because I'm still going to do the right thing and you know it.”

“I do know that,” Steve said earnestly. “But it's different when you're in the suit.”

“You think I can't do it without the suit? I think I did pretty well today.”

“We could have handled it. The back-up came pretty quickly and all you did was make a distraction, put yourself as a vulnerable target. Which they took advantage off! Because they know how valuable you are. You have a target on your back, Tony, and while I know you can protect yourself with the suit, without it everyone can have a go at you. Point a gun at your back and shoot without giving you a second of warning...“

“Clint and Natasha...“ Tony started but Steve didn't even blink.

“Clint and Natasha both have extensive training Tony. They are more attuned to their surroundings then any of us and nobody could sneak up on them easily. Also, I'm pretty sure Natasha would kick your ass for insinuating something like that could bring her down,” there was a small smile at that but Steve quickly sobered up. “You're different, Tony. You're...”

“Vulnerable,” Tony said. Not caring if Steve heard the bitterness in his voice.

“Yeah. Vulnerable,” Steve said.

Tony closed his eyes. It hurt. Everything his dad said to him, about him being weak and useless, everything was coming back to him, flashing before his eyes. He knew Steve didn't mean it like that. Knew that Steve considered him valuable, had even said so. His stupid mind just couldn't break the connection, even if it was a connection he never wanted to make. Steve Rogers was the furthest thing away from Howard Stark but maybe they were both right about Tony.

Steve, oblivious to Tony's inner thoughts, said softly, “I'm going to go check on Natasha and maybe see how the people affected most by the gas are holding up.” He sounded resigned, as if all the fight went out of him and he just wanted to leave it all behind.

Tony didn't answer, didn't even open his eyes as he listened to Steve's soft footsteps leaving the room, closing the door.

For once, he didn't feel like doing much of anything.

Couple of days later, Fury was happy because the deal managed to come through even after everything (let it not be said Tony Stark doesn't know how to do business, even after terrorist attacks) and Steve Rogers was for once not trying to talk to Tony at all.

 

4.

Loki and Thor were fighting again.

Tony knew that because Loki was currently causing havoc in Central Park.

He was just trying to have a normal, casual stroll through the park, he really was. With everything going on lately, he needed some time to clear his head. Steve was still mad at him and Tony didn't particularly look forward to smoothing that out.

There's only so much of Steve's disapproving frown a person can take in a year.

Still, the team was getting sick of them standing on eggshells around each other. Natasha even threaten to break some of his fingers if he didn't get his act together and talked to Steve (Tony didn't really believe she would, but you never know with her).

So Tony decided to get away from the Tower for a bit (he wasn't hiding from Natasha, he _wasn't_ ) and took a walk since it was a nice sunny day.

Loki, however, had other ideas.

It looked like he was trying to conquer Central Park. And his own personal army; living statues.

How, and why, would Loki want to bring statues to life was a mystery to Tony but this wasn't the time to dwell on the reasonings of a psychotic Norse alien. So Tony, hidden from said crazy god's view did the only reasonable thing (that wouldn't get him killed at least) and called Thor.

Thor, who still hadn't exactly managed to grasp the idea of mobile phones. Tony didn't bother to leave a message. Instead he called Steve and only after the fact did he realize that he and Steve weren't exactly on good terms and he could have called any of the other Avengers.

“Hello?” _Well too late for that now_ , thought Tony, as Steve's voice rang in his ear.

“Steve,” Tony paused, not really knowing what to say.

“Tony,” Steve sounded surprised for a moment, caught off guard. Tony figured he probably forgot to check the caller ID before answering the phone. “Is something wrong?” Steve sounded professional all of a sudden and Tony hated himself a little bit (a lot).

“Yeah, um... I think Loki and Thor had another one of their fights.”

“What? Where are you? What is Loki doing?” It was perhaps worrying that Tony was so glad to hear the coldness in Steve’s voice replaced with worry.

“I'm in Central Park. He, um... he seemed to have brought some of the statues to life and is now scaring the civilians,” Tony tried to explain but it was a really bizarre sight that you just had to see for yourself to believe.

“I'm calling the team, we'll be there as soon as possible,” Tony could already hear the Avengers' alarm going off. “Did he see you?”

“No, I don't think he knows I'm here. I'm calling my suit.”

“Wait, Tony. Don't. You'll just bring more attention to yourself. Stay hidden and wait for us to come and then call your suit.”

“What? I'm not going to just stand here and watch Loki destroy New York City property,” Tony said indignantly.

“Tony you know how he gets. He could hurt you.”

“Not if I'm in the suit, he can't.”

“Tony! Please!” there was something in Steve's voice Tony couldn't decipher and wasn't sure he wanted to.

“Fine,” Tony muttered, hanging up. He instructed JARVIS to deploy the suit and fly it next to the Avengers' quinjet (even if the suit could actually be there much, much sooner).

He couldn't believe he was just going to wait for back-up. In normal circumstances, he would just ignore Steve and deal with Loki on his own but with Steve still being mad at him...

 _Tony_ wanted to be mad. Did Steve really thought Tony couldn't deal with Loki? It was Loki, for god's sake, it's not like they haven't dealt with him before.

But while he would have been mad about it before (as he had been with similar situations) he couldn't bring himself to be now. It had taken Steve saving his sorry ass to realize it, but maybe Steve was right in benching Tony from time to time. Maybe Steve knew his limits better than Tony himself did. Maybe Steve just cared.

It was a weird concept. But it made Tony not want to be reckless just this once.

When the team finally arrived with Tony's armor in tow, Tony was ready to kick some Asgardian ass. With his teammates. Not alone.

It was worth it when Steve, getting out of the quinjet, sent him a proud, if slightly surprised, smile.

 _Maybe things can fix themselves after all_ , Tony thought as the armor assembled around him, watching as Captain America engaged Loki in a fight not unlike the one in Germany, when they all first met each other. Full circle and all that. _Maybe_.

Thor soon took over Cap to try and reason with his brother once again (and the whole team learned better than to try to tell him it was pointless) while the others (minus Bruce, because the situation didn't seem to be critical enough for the Hulk) dealt with the living statues.

Tony winced and vowed to pay for all the statues that were destroyed as he blew William Shakespeare's head off with a repulsor blast.

The fight didn't last long as Loki was subdued by Thor who demanded that Loki _put back those mechanical creatures to how they were_. It was hilarious to watch.

Once everything was said and done and the remaining (not destroyed) statues were put back in their rightful places, the Avengers stayed behind for clean up. Because publicity, that's why. Or, if you asked Steve, because it was their duty. Or something. Tony was tired and he wanted to go back to the Tower. Some scotch would be nice right about now. But as he was playing a huge, weaponized, mechanical butler for Central Park, Steve came up to him. He seemed nervous, his hands playing with the head of... Was that Alexander Hamilton? Who knew at this point. Tony was really going to have to talk to Pepper about replacing those.

Steve wasn't looking at him as he spoke. “Listen, Tony. I... I appreciate you waiting for us and not engaging with Loki on your own.”

“You're the Captain, you know best,” Tony said. He wanted to make it light, make it a joke but instead it sounded resigned.

“Yeah, well... I know that must have been hard for you. So... thanks. I guess,” Tony rarely saw Steve be so awkward and unsure. It was a weird sight, especially when he was still in his Captain America uniform.

“I can follow orders, you know. Just sometimes I choose not to because they're stupid.”

“Do you think this one was stupid?”

“Yes,” Tony didn't even hesitate. “But you were already mad at me and I didn't want to make it worse,” he confessed. He didn't mean to, it just sort of happened. Tony will forever be convinced that Cap has some sort of power that makes people confess their deepest, darkest secrets to him just because he gave them his kicked-puppy-dog look.

“I wasn't mad, Tony. I was...” Steve hesitated.

“You were what?” Tony pushed.

“I was worried.”

Tony looked at him incredulously. “Worried?” that really wasn't what he was expecting. “Why?”

“Because... Tony, without your suit you're only human. You don't even have any military training or anything. I know you don't want to hear it again but... Without your suit you _are_ vulnerable. And I can't... I _won't_ let anything happen to you.”

“I can take care of myself...”

“I know that! But Tony, we're talking about aliens and robots and... And this isn't something you can protect yourself from with clever words or comebacks. If you're caught without your suit... You're dead Tony. And that isn't me saying you're not valuable without the suit, this is me saying you're too valuable. We need you. Iron Man _and_ Tony Stark. But Iron Man on the field, Tony Stark outside of it.”

There were some ways in which Tony could have taken that speech the wrong way. Mostly how the team only needed him for what he was (rich, smart...) and not who he was. But he knew Cap didn't mean it that way. He meant that Tony was valuable and not just for his genius or his money. For some reason... for some reason, Tony Stark was valuable to the team for who he was. He was valuable to _Steve_ for who he was.

“Yeah. Okay,” said Tony.

“Okay?” asked Steve, as if he couldn't believe Tony would agree with him.

Tony just smiled. “We'll see.”

 

5.

The cave smelled like the one in Afghanistan. It wasn't really a scent as more of a feeling, being trapped, the walls damp, air suffocating.

Tony couldn't breathe. He knew what was coming. JARVIS called them panic attacks. Tony called them a weakness.

At least his team was here with him, but that didn't seem like a blessing right now, when he could feel walls closing in on him, air becoming thinner, voices around him turning into a distanced blur. He didn't want them to see him like this. Weak. Helpless. Plagued by nightmares, new and old.

He concentrated on his breathing, his stance. He was out of the suit, it lying next to him in a heap of broken pieces. He longed for its comfort but there was nothing he could do with it now.

Vague voices were getting closer now but Tony couldn't focus, he had to keep himself from freaking out, had to show the others he wasn't broken.

Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder. Tony flinched. The hand relaxed but didn't move, as if the person hesitated but didn't want to let go.

“Tony?” he recognized the voice but couldn't place it. He blinked and tried to focus on a person standing in front of him, trying to get his attention.

“Steve?” Tony asked because somehow, through all the haze, that was one clear thing, one light in the tunnel of dark memories. One thing that, despite all odds, _made sense_. It made sense that Steve would be there. For Tony. Even if Tony couldn't even begin to fathom the reasons as to why.

“Yeah, it's me, just keep focusing on me.” Steve said. Tony frowned. Was he really so out of it that it even had Steve worried? He thought he was keeping it together.

“Cap, I'm fine,” Tony said, trying but failing to remove the hand on his shoulder which only tightened again.

“No, Tony, you are not,” and there is was, that worried face. The face Tony started to hate seeing being directed at him more than the disapproving one.

“Yes, Steve, I am,” Tony insisted. _Please believe me, please don't see how broken I am._

But Steve didn't believe him. He was still looking at him with that face, that _expression_ , like Tony was made of glass and would break at any moment.

Under normal circumstances he would have been annoyed. He wanted to be, even now, but he couldn't. Not when he could still feel the cave around him, Steve's face just a blur.

Tony wasn't sure what happened next. One moment he was standing, trying to convince Cap that he was okay and the next, he was on his knees, head on Steve's chest, hands clutching desperately at the front of his costume. Steve's hands were around him, as if he was trying to shield Tony from the world. It made him feel safe somehow when it would usually make him feel weak.

But in that moment he didn't care about appearing weak. As long as Steve stayed with him, holding him, Tony didn't care about anything else.

He didn't know how much time had passed. It seemed like forever.

Even when something finally started happening, Tony wasn't really aware of it.

Someone was rescuing them? Tony thought he might've heard the Hulk roar.

He didn't care. Steve was still holding him, helping him up, guiding him out but not letting go.

It was on the SHIELD helicarrier that Tony finally started to breathe normally.

He looked up at Steve who was sitting on the bed (and one glance around the room confirmed it was Steve's SHIELD room), his arms still around Tony but loose now, as if giving Tony the chance to pull away. Tony didn't.

“What happened?” Tony asked. His voice was weak and shallow but Tony tried not to let it bother him. Bother him that Steve was hearing it.

“SHIELD managed to locate us,” Steve's voice was soft as if he was trying to match it with Tony's. “JARVIS helped apparently. I didn't hear much but it looked like his input of the location where he last had a connection with you helped greatly.” Tony realized Steve would have known much more than that if he didn't have to take care of Tony and went to a debriefing like he probably wanted to. The thought was enough for Tony to pull away.

He missed the warmth instantly.

Steve frowned but said nothing. Tony cleared his throat. “Right. You didn't have to stay with me you know. You could've gone to talk to Fury, find out exactly what happened. Really, I would have been fine.”

Steve looked like he disagreed but only said, “I wanted to.”

“Why?” the word was sharp, somehow accusatory, and Tony didn't even realize he said it before he did.

“You know why,” Steve said, his expression earnest, like he was trying to get a point across but Tony just _wasn't getting it_.

“You keep saying that. But I really don't.”

They stared at each other for a moment. Tony was holding his breath but he wasn't even aware he was waiting for something, not until Steve's lips closed around his own and _oh_.

Tony was sure they would have taken away his PHDs if they found out how _stupid_ he had been.

It was all so obvious now. Steve's disapproving but actually worried face, his inability to let Tony go into any kind of danger without the suit.

Tony's own mixed emotions whenever Steve was around. Or everything regarding Steve in general.

All the confusion, all the frustration, it all just melted away with that one kiss.

It wasn't even that heated, really just a press of the lips, more chaste than any kiss Tony received since probably college. But it was perfect, it was just right. It was everything he wanted but didn't know he did.

Steve pulled away. “Was that okay?” he asked and it was such a Steve thing to do that Tony could have laughed. But he was too tired to do much of anything so he just nodded and laid his head back on Steve's chest. Steve's arms came around him instantly and Tony again felt that safety, warmth and... love?

Yeah, it was too soon for that but maybe. Someday.

“Tony?” Steve whispered as if testing if Tony was awake.

“Hmm?” Tony mumbled.

“Do you want to talk about what happened today?” Steve sounded hesitant, unsure.

It made Tony frown. He wanted to reassure Steve, to talk to him even but... He felt uneasy. Everything he learned so far has taught him to hide his weaknesses, create walls to protect himself.

But Steve had already seen him at his worst. So maybe he could tell Steve. Just Steve. He trusted Steve. But... “Maybe later? I'm tired now.” It's funny how much a panic attack can exhaust you.

“Of course. Just sleep. I'm here,” Steve said and kissed his hair. It made Tony's chest tighten and he smiled slightly as he fell asleep, feeling safer than ever before.

 

\+ 1.

If there was one thing Tony realized throughout his life, it was that whenever something good happened in his life, something bad always followed it.

He was a genius child born into a wealthy family? His father was constantly disappointed in him and his mother went on expensive trips to Europe in lieu of taking care of him.

He owned a multi-million dollar company and could do whatever he wanted? He was considered a spoiled brat and his reputation was dragged through the mud more times than he could count. Oh and his 'father figure' was selling his weapons on the black market to his enemies.

He created Iron Man? Stane, government, Hammer, Vanko... And that's without mentioning how it all started. The cave. Ten Rings. Yinsen.

His relationship with Pepper? That crashed and burned faster than the Titanic. Sure it was nobody's fault. Tony blamed karma. You had to blame something.

And now Steve. But maybe... Maybe this time nothing bad had to happen. Maybe he can have this one thing.

Yeah, no.

It all started with a fight with Doctor Doom. The guy was brilliant if mad and Tony had to respect at least that. Didn't mean he didn't want to bring him down though.

The fight mostly consisted of Avengers killing doombots (more robots, what a surprise, at least Tony didn't get to name those, for which Clint was very grateful) and trying to get to Doom on time to stop whatever evil plan he was trying to unleash on New York (and if Tony complained about how the guy was supposed to be Fantastic Four's problem, nobody said anything but he knew they agreed. Fantastic Four just happened to be unavailable at this moment. Tony was so going to hold this over Reed's head for the rest of his life).

Thor wasn't among them however. After the latest fight with Loki, the Thunderer had to go back to Asgard to deal with his brother and the Allfather. Tony felt bad for a moment, knowing Thor would have enjoyed electrocuting doombots and would definitely give them an edge.

Without him though, the priority was to get to Doom first no matter what and try to stop him.

Tony being lucky (or unlucky in this case) managed to be the first one to get through all the doombots and close in on Doom all the while reassuring Steve that he was going to be fine when the other man yelled at him to be safe.

Doom was just stepping out of a building when Tony zeroed in on him. He didn't waste time chit chatting with the crazy supervillain as he slammed into him. They crashed into the building but Doom didn't let himself be taken of guard.

They fought for a while, neither letting the other gain much leverage at least until Doom seemed to be annoyed enough to finish the fight. He didn’t say much (he wasn't one of those chatty, monologuing villains) just that Tony was _already too late_ and he _doesn’t have time for pathetic scribbles_ and really, Tony was kind of offended and was ready to tell him that but Doom was already leaving and _now, that just wouldn't do._

In hindsight, it probably wasn't his best idea to shoot a missile at the angry supervillain's back but he was getting rather desperate. Doom, on the other hand, didn't even flinch, not even when everything in his vicinity caught on fire, but he did seem more aggravated by the action, enough to turn around and do his magic mumbo jumbo and then Tony's suit was shutting down, and everything went black, and _oh shit, he should have thought this through_.

By the time he manually opened the armor and stepped out of it, Doom was gone and Tony wondered for a brief moment why he didn't just kill him (it's not like villains have morality code or anything, at least the ones like Doom). Then he saw his team coming toward him, all in their righteous post battle glory and maybe Doom decided it wasn't worth it?

Tony would have analyzed that more carefully and realized all the loopholes in that statement but his team was there and Steve was pulling his cowl down and was holding him by the shoulders asking him if he was okay and he looked so worried and Tony didn't want to think about anything else right now.

“Is he gone then?” asked Natasha, looking around for any signs of Doom but when she couldn't find any she turned to Tony. “Seems a bit unlikely he would just leave like that. Especially when he had you cornered like that,” _without the suit_ was left unsaid.

It did seemed suspicious now that he thought about it. “Maybe he saw you guys coming and ran?”

“That doesn't sound like something he would do,” frowned Clint.

“Yeah, no offence Tony but the guy got rid of your suit without even touching you and then he just left? Something doesn't add up here,” said Natasha, her voice calculating.

Tony looked at Steve who was still holding him by the shoulders, frowning, no doubt thinking how this all could have ended had Doom not fled the scene.

Natasha's words got Tony thinking though. Doom wasn't even putting on much of a fight and seemed to engage Tony simply because Tony was in his way. He even tried to leave, leaving Tony with the armor and all. It was only when Tony threw that missile at him that Doom got annoyed enough to do something about him. “You're right Tasha,” Tony murmured. “It doesn't add up. He was...” he was trying to leave. _He was trying to leave._ “Why would he tried to leave?”

“Tony, what are you talking about?” Steve asked. Tony looked around. Everyone was staring at him (except for the Hulk who was still trashing some of the doombots even though they were already dead).

“Doom. When I got here he was already trying to leave. Didn't even bother much with fighting me even when he had a clear advantage. Why would he go through all this trouble and then just leave in the middle of it?” Tony wondered.

“Maybe he was expecting the Fantastic Four?” asked Clint.

Tony shook his head. Unlikely, they would just put a stop to him, they knew how to deal with him best. Maybe that was the point. They were gone and he saw the opportunity to... do what?

Tony thought about how Doom walked out of the building when Tony finally got close to him, how he said... Tony's eyes widened. “He said... he said I was too late,” Tony all but whispered.

“What are you talking about?” Clint asked. They were all looking at him worriedly and even though Steve let go of him before, he now reached out to take his hand in his (the gloves Steve wore prevented Tony from feeling his skin but it was still better than when Tony wore the armor).

“Doom said I was already too late. Late for what? He didn't even do anything, he...“ Tony's breath caught. _Of course_. “He must have done something in the building. Why was he inside?”

They all looked at each other, thinking of the possibilities with dread. Almost suddenly, they simultaneously started walking toward the building.

Steve halted their steps before they managed to walk inside. “You sure you don't want to stay outside? We don’t know what’s in there.”

Tony just gave an exaggerated eye roll but gave Steve a quick kiss before walking inside. Steve still didn't seem happy about it but he let Tony drag them inside anyway.

What they saw on the far end of the opposite wall made Tony freeze. Natasha and Clint were already there, looking worried.

“Is that... is that a bomb?” asked Clint.

“It's not like any bomb I've ever seen,” said Natasha. She looked at Tony.

Tony shook his head. “I haven't seen anything like it either. But...” he walked to where the bomb seemed to be fused with the wall, numbers displaying 4 more minutes until detonation.

“Crap,” he murmured then removed the casing so he could look inside. “Oh my god,” Tony couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was impossible. “Guys... if this thing blows... it will wipe out more than half the city. And I'm not just talking Manhattan,” he turned toward his teammates, “I'm talking about entire New York.”

“How is that even possible?” asked Natasha. “This isn't nuclear weapon. Is it?”

Tony swallowed. “Not nuclear. Not exactly. But very damn close,” he turned back to look at the bomb. 3 minutes. “Must be Doom's own technology.”

“Can you disarm it?” asked Natasha. She seemed to be the only one still collected enough to talk, Clint and Steve looking at the bomb helplessly.

“Not in time,” said Tony. “I can't... I don't know... This is nothing like I've ever seen and we've only got 3 more minutes,” he was starting to get slightly hysterical but someone grabbed his arm and turned him around.

It was Steve and there was determination in his eyes now and Tony knew he wouldn't like whatever he was about to say. “Tony,” Steve swallowed and looked away briefly, as if he knew Tony was going to fight him over this but he had to say it anyway. “Does your suit work?”

“It should have rebooted by now I think, yeah.” Tony said. “But there is no way I'll be able to extract that bomb from the wall. Not even Thor would have managed that.” Tony looked back at the way the bomb was fused with the wall. “And if I take the wall, the building will collapse,” he turned back to look at Steve's eyes. “Besides, there would be no time, there is no way I can manage to carry the entire wall far away so that it doesn't kill anyone. Best case scenario, I fly it high enough for just the Manhattan to blow... Actually, we're too late for even that now.” A glance back told him they had 2 more minutes.

“I'm not talking about you taking the bomb Tony,” Steve said and Tony's eyes widened as he realized what Steve was implying.

“No way, Steve,” Tony said, still looking at his boyfriend (sort of, kind of. They still haven't even had time to discuss it, dammit) with wide eyes.

“Wait, what?” Clint asked, as if he just caught up with the conversation.

Before either of them managed to answer him, Natasha did. “Steve wants Tony to take the suit and run.”

“Actually I was thinking he could take you two with him,” Steve said. He wasn't even looking at Tony.

“I don't think there's much time for that Captain,” Natasha said. Tony though she sounded way too calm for someone who was about to die in under two minutes.

Steve looked back at Tony desperately. “Just go, _please_ ,” his voice broke. He looked so sad, so devastated, it broke Tony's heart.

Tony kissed him, kissed him like a man drowning, like it was the last kiss they will ever share (because _it was_...). “I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you. _Ever_ ,” he said against Steve's lips.

“ _Tony..._ ” Steve said but didn't argue further.

Tony smiled. “It's okay. We'll be okay.” It felt like a lie but Tony had to say it. He took one last look at Steve, memorizing his face, his baby-blue eyes, his strong jaw, his blond hair Tony liked to pull when they were kissing or just go through it with his fingers when Steve was laying in his arms. His stubborn yet gentle expression which betrayed no fear, just sadness. They had only been together for a few weeks, few precious weeks, and Tony had never been happier in his life. He didn't want to lose that. He didn't want to lose Steve.

So with determination he just slightly had to force, Tony pulled away from Steve's embrace and turned his undivided attention to the bomb.

“Tony? What are you doing?” he heard Natasha ask, but it was distant. Calculation were already turning in his head, possibilities and failures. It was too much. 90 seconds.

“I don't...” he signed, frustrated. He was going to fight to the very last breath dammit (even if he would much rather spend his last moments looking at Steve). But he had to try. He had to. Millions of lives depended on it. “It's not nuclear. But it's... it has all this components. They shouldn't even work together, how did he even do that? It should have short-circuited, not...“ Tony stopped. _Shit, that's it._ “Oh my god. That's it.”

“What? What is it Tony?” asked Steve.

“The bomb. If I manage to short-circuit it...”

Natasha interrupted him. “You would need an awful lot of power to do that Tony. And we only have...” she cursed. “40 seconds.”

“More than enough time,” Tony said lightly. It was a bad joke, at a bad time and his hands were sweating but he didn't care. He took the arc-reactor from beneath his shirt and twisted it. The reactor came out and Tony took a breath before pulling it out.

The effect was immediate. He started shaking, his breath was shallow and he was pretty sure his skin started to pale drastically. He heard shouts, probably from Steve but he couldn't concentrate on that now. He brought the reactor to the bomb, removed the casing and connected the wires to the bomb. 10 seconds. 9 seconds.

Sparks. Buzzing. 8 seconds.

It stopped. It stopped at 8 seconds and Tony couldn't even believe that had worked. He had but a second to feel relief, happiness, elation before he went into cardiac arrest and unconsciousness.

***

Pain was the first thing Tony registered as he slowly came to consciousness. There was pain in his chest, not unlike one he felt when he first woke up in Afghanistan. It seemed more dulled now though, as if this time someone had actually bothered to give him some painkillers.

Second thing he noticed was that there was something warm and heavy in his hand. When he brought his other hand to rub at his eyes he peeked around the room and was grateful to not find it fully lit. There was only a soft glow but it still took Tony a while to fully open his eyes.

When he did, he almost groaned. He hated hospitals and the white, sterile room he was in was definitely a hospital room. There was even that distinct hospital smell and that more than anything helped calm his racing heart and pull him from the edges of memories of Afghanistan.

There was also that thing in his hand that somehow kept him grounded, kept him from freaking out even when his chest felt like something really heavy dropped on it. Something like a building perhaps.

He turned his head around to look at his hand and found another one clutching his in a tight grip. Tony's vision was still blurry so he had to let his eyes travel up the arm and shoulder before he managed to come across a face.

A face in question was resting on the man's other hand and appeared to be deep in sleep but even so, there were frown lines crinkling his face and for a moment Tony wondered _what made Steve look so worried?_

It all came rushing back a moment later, Doom and robots and _a bomb._ A freaking bomb that was not quite nuclear yet it could still clearly level an entire city. It should not have been possible, the components inside that bomb not compatible to create such a thing yet there it was. Ticking. Melted to a wall. Fucking Doom and his fucking magic, because that was magic all right, nobody can tell Tony otherwise. He was a genius when it came to that stuff, after all.

A fact that did kind of put him in his current predicament, true, but he was also pretty sure it saved a whole city and millions of people so Tony was not going to complain.

He watched Steve's face for a moment.

His blond hair was messy, and his clothes were rumpled, and he seemed as if hadn’t moved from his chair for a while.

It made Tony smile, affection and warmth and fondness replacing any other feeling Tony might have had.

He could have watched Steve forever, but he was getting thirsty and there was a glass of water on his bedside table, just out of reach.

Regretfully, he started to pull his hand out of Steve’s but Steve’s hold suddenly tightened, and the man straightened in his chair, opened his eyes and looked around the room, as if expecting threats to come at them from the shadows. When he saw nobody was attacking them, he relaxed and looked back at Tony only to widen his eyes at seeing the genius awake.

Tony knew he had a silly grin on his face, but Steve was so adorable, he couldn’t help it. “Good morning,” Tony said lightly, then frowned at the way his voice sounded, raspy and unused.

“Morning,” Steve replied with a fond smile and reached for the glass of water. He helped Tony sit up and offered him a straw. While Tony drank, Steve added, “Well, it’s not really morning. I’m pretty sure it’s still night but… yeah.”

Tony waited for Steve to put the glass back on the table before speaking again. “How long was I out?”

Steve swallowed. “Two days,” his voice was soft, worried. “They said that you’ll be fine, that you’ll wake up, even Bruce said it. But I just… all I kept seeing is you on that cold floor with a gap in your chest and your breath rapidly fading and…”

Tony took Steve’s hand and squeezed it. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “What happened?”

Steve took a breath. “Natasha… she, um… disconnected the arc reactor from the bomb while Bruce came inside. He was a bit… well, you know what he’s like after the Hulk, confused and disoriented, but as soon as he saw you there… well, thank God, he knew what to do once Natasha gave him the arc reactor. You still weren’t responding and he said you went too long without it, but he gave you a CPR and… well, it worked.”

Tony could only imagine what Steve and the rest of them were going through while Bruce was trying to bring him back to life. Judging by the tightness around Steve’s mouth it wasn’t a fast process either. The pain he could still feel around his chest told him that as well. He was probably dead for a while there. It was weird to think about that. It was worse imagining Steve’s reaction, especially after he tried to protect Tony so many times before. “I’m sorry. That couldn’t have been easy on you.”

Steve gave a startled laugh, as if he couldn’t believe Tony would think about him in a situation like this. “You have no idea,” he said at last. “I thought about it a lot you know?”

“Thought about what?” Tony asked.

“About…” Steve seemed to hesitate for a moment. Then he looked at Tony and sighed. “About how no matter how many times I try to bench you when you’re hurt or outside the suit, you will always put yourself in danger.”

Tony rolled his eyes. _Here we go_. “Should I remind you how many people would have died, including _us_ …”

“Let me finish Tony,” Steve said exasperated. “I mean… it’s like you said. When we were in Japan. How you will always do the right thing no matter what. Even if there’s no one there to save you,” Tony nodded, wondering where Steve was going with it. “Well, you were right.”

Tony blinked. “What?”

“You were right, Tony,” Steve repeated, amused. Then his expression turned serious again. “It’s just… You saved the whole city. And you did it without your suit. And no, I still don’t like you putting yourself in danger,” he added before Tony could get any ideas in his head. “But… you’re a hero. With or without Iron Man. And I’m proud of you.”

For future references, Tony will blame the tears in his eyes on the chest pain. “Thanks, Steve. It means a lot.” Tony wondered for a brief second what Howard would have thought, Captain America being proud of Tony, when he was the one who always said Tony was nowhere near as good or as worthwhile as the super soldier.

It didn’t matter now anyway, so Tony dismissed the thought. All that mattered was Steve. Steve who was here and who was _proud of him._

Tony pulled Steve to him and Steve went willingly as Tony closed the distance between them. His lips closed around Steve’s own and his hands winded around his neck, his fingers going through soft, blond hair. Steve’s own hands came to rest on his waist but the pressure was almost nonexistent, as was Steve’s weight on Tony. Tony wanted to sigh in annoyance but he knew Steve needed to be careful with him, for his own benefit as much as Tony’s. He would probably never forgive himself if he hurt Tony, intentionally or otherwise.

They pulled away way too soon, but before Tony could complain, Steve pressed another light kiss to his lips before saying, “You should get some more sleep, Tony.”

“Only if you sleep with me,” Tony responded with a cheeky grin. Steve rolled his eyes (but it was fond, Tony knew it) but complied, coming to lay next to Tony under the sheet. Tony immediately wrapped himself around the warm super soldier and the pressure on his chest eased a little.

Right before he fell into the darkness once again (but this one much nicer, with dreams of Steve waiting for him) he felt Steve kissing his forehead. “Good night, Tony.”

“Night, Steve,” Tony said, or tried to. But it didn’t matter because he will be saying it for many more years to come.

 

And so he did.


End file.
